Recognition

After my last post it probably took me less then my hour long walk to fully digest and recover from the been-goodbyed feeling in my chest. Frankly, it took me longer to recover from having to say goodbye to the West Wing after the series finale. Which is an indication of how invested I was in that relationship. However, I have realized how profoundly invested I was in the idea of the relationship: the aspect of fantasy, the seeking of time/space outside of my everyday life, the emotional vacation.

The five minute chat and the occasional text definitely provided that escape. And having that escape, knowing that I could have that bubble outside myself and my life, has really made me happier within the confines of my existence and my marriage. But what now? Do I look for a new escape? Do I need to seek something out? Is it possible that giving myself permission is enough? Well, maybe for now - while I wait and see what the universe might throw my way.

I have a very powerful, confident energy right now. I feel as though I have been underwater for the better part of a decade and that I am surfacing to myself again. I feel a real sense of recognition: I remember this girl and I like her as much now as I did when I used to know her.