Is this the worst kind of self-justification? Probably. But, I cannot tell you how freeing it is to have something outside my daily life just for me. It is frankly not about sex, not about orgasms, not in any way about love. It is about freedom, feeling free, feeling me. (That sounds like a 70's self help book.) Ifeel as though I have been underwater and slogging through an unsatisfying life for years - I feel like I have utterly lost who and what I am in a haze of laundry and bickering. I feel like being the dirty girl I used to be is a reclaimation of a piece of myself. I cyber stalked one of my old high school boyfriends on facebook recently and he said to me "are you still drawing, you used to love it so much" and I was dumbstruck because I had almost forgotten that I used to do that and that I loved it. How sad is that.
I do not want to love my younger mistress, I do not want to leave my family, but frankly getting fucked in a hotel room once in a while is improving my daily life in ways that are hard to entirely describe.
Is it possible that infidelity has the ability to keep me happy within the confines of my life?
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