Wednesday, June 13, 2007

It is not the getting off that is getting me off...

It is not, in fact, the fucking or the orgasm that intrigues me about the adorable younger boyfriend. Don't get me wrong, that is definitely a perk.
But, it is definitely the act of stepping out, acting out that gets me off. As Michael put it in his comment, transgressing. The transgressing is better then an orgasm.
The need is not the physical act but the way the act allows me to conceptualize myself. It allows me a piece of freedom, a piece of the world that is mine and just for me. It does not belong to my husband or my children - they have no claim on those moments. It is utterly freeing to have an emotional and physical space in which I answer to noone.
In those moments I can be truly me - not the housebound me - me in my own skin. I am responsible for only me. I own myself. No orgasm can compare to that.

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